Fox 8 News Reporter Adam Krolfifer: The roads are getting pretty crazy … as you can see right there. Take a look at the roads I mean they are just getting really white.
– Fox 8 News, Friday, Jan. 6.
Krolfifer: The roads are very slick, especially on those secondary roads. A lot of them are not even plowed. They don’t have any salt or sand. Especially coming down this hill, it’s very slick.
Fox 8 Anchor: Thank you, Adam. Hopefully people won’t go out if they don’t have too.
– Fox 8 News, Saturday, Jan. 7
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Well, it’s a whole new year already and I know this is a time when everyone is making new year’s resolutions – and, as you can imagine, I myself am no exception.
I wasn’t exactly sure what my resolution would be for 2017, but then, on one of the very last days of 2016, I came across a book on sale at Barnes & Noble called the Navy Seals Workout. The book includes a complete and detailed workout that’s the same one the highly trained crack fighting unit uses. So if you follow the course in the book, you can put yourself through the same training regime the Navy Seals go through when they’re in training camp.
That’s when I made my resolution for the new year: I would get the book and, starting Jan. 1, I would follow the same intense navy seal training program that you have to complete to become a seal team member.
So far, it’s been about two weeks, and I’m really proud of myself because I have stuck to my resolution. I‘ve been doing it every day like the book says, though sometimes I skip some parts if I start to get tired.
*****
Everyone knows that what you attempt to bring through courthouse security can get you in trouble with the law, but what you may not know is that it can also get you into trouble with your girlfriend.
One courthouse visitor discovered that the hard way recently when he, along with his girlfriend, went through the security checkpoint at the entrance of the Guilford County Courthouse in Greensboro.
As the two attempted to enter, the guy set off the metal detector – which, of course, resulted in a search of his person by a county security guard.
The guard wanded the man and, when it was evident the alarm was set off by something in the man’s back pocket, the guard had him pull his pockets out, which revealed a piece of folded up aluminum foil.
The security guard unwrapped the piece of aluminum – and inside found a packaged condom. As soon as the man’s girlfriend saw that, she went ballistic and started cussing him out and shoving him and asking him what the &$#% that was doing in his pocket.
Apparently, that wasn’t an item that the two of them used whenever they, well … got together, if you know what I mean.
He turned around to head out the door with her on his tail, reading him the riot act the whole way, and his punishment for forgetting to take that out of his pocket before going through security may have been worse than his punishment if he’d tried to bring a lethal weapon into the courthouse – or, if he was there to face trial, whatever sentence the judge might have given him.
One security guard said later, “We felt really bad for him.”
So, remember: It’s not illegal to bring condoms into the Guilford County courthouse – but that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.
*****
Well, the new year brings new things and on the first day of the year I was really pleased because I thought I had started to make some progress with the News & Record. I gave them a Yostie Award a couple of weeks ago because on New Year’s Day 2016, that paper ran a giant front page article that recounted in detail every single homicide that had happened in this area in 2015, complete with pictures and everything.
So that is a terrible way to kick off a new year and, here at the Rhino we wrote about it several times during the year and said what a bad idea that was, and, like I said, the N&R won the Yostie Award for the Worst Way to Start a New Year. So, it was with great anticipation and curiousity that I picked up the paper on the morning of Jan. 1 this year and slowly opened it …
And I looked and there was no horrible story on the front page – just normal news along with a couple of positive New Year’s Day stories about resolutions and whatever; so I was relieved.
And I thought, “Well, we are finally making some progress with that irascible hometown paper.” I was pleased with that fact all day and, then, on the morning of Jan. 2, I opened my paper and what did I see? A giant front page spread on all the homicides in the county in 2016.
I give up. I tried. I did my part. You can try to talk some sense into the N&R but I’m officially calling it quits.
Speaking of the News & Record. I have racked my brain trying to figure out the answer to the Wondrous Magical N&R Replicating Mystery. This is not a joke or anything: this is simply exactly what happens with my News & Record.
I have a great paper person. He never throws it in the mud or anything and, every day, around 4 a.m. give or take, my N&R comes. Now, most mornings I get the paper when I get up and have some coffee and I read it, or at least glance it.
What is interesting, though, is on those nights when I can’t sleep. I never sleep very well; I am an insomniac and always have been. Sometimes I’m up at 4 in the morning when the paper comes. And here’s what happens: If I’m up late and the paper comes and I pick it up at 4 a.m. before I go to bed, then, every time I do that – and here’s the mysterious part – when I wake up and go out there, there is another copy of the News & Record in my drive.
So apparently, I can make another N&R magically appear just by picking up the paper very early. I have this theory that I could make three or four papers appear by picking them up at just the right time each morning.
I really have no idea how that happens and I don’t even have a good theory about it, but I am completely fascinated by it. If that same thing happens to you or if you know what in the world is going on, please email me at Scott@rhinotimes.com and let me know.
If you’re like most people, then once in a while you tend to ask a very stupid question by accident. Well, you’ll be glad to know that that can even happen to the very best of us and, in fact, recently I out-dumbed even the very dumbest question-askers in the country.
I was at the Apple Store at Friendly picking up my iPhone after I had to get a new battery for it because my old one was always dying quickly. When I got there to pick up my phone, the guy handed me the phone with the new battery and the bill.
“OK, thanks,” I said. “Do ya’ll take Apple Pay?”
And he was like, “Apple Pay? What’s that?? No, never heard of it …”
*****
If you were dreaming of a white Christmas this year, you were out of luck, but if you were dreaming of a white Saturday, Jan. 7, then this was your year.
You know what would be a good story for the news stations to do when it snows? I never see this story ever done but I thought it would be a really interesting one for them to do. Here’s my idea: I think it would be good, the next time it snows, if one of the local news stations did a remote from the location where salt trucks are, and showed how the road crews are getting ready for the storm. I think that’s a great idea for a news story before a big snow and I wonder why no TV news station has ever thought of it.
But my very favorite part of the snow news is when the reporter gets in the car and drives all around town telling you that no matter what, whatever you do, don’t try to drive on this stuff. Because, you know, it’s extremely dangerous.
Listen, when I’m driving out there on slick icy secondary roads, at least I won’t be doing it with a camera in one hand and my notes in the other while doing a live television broadcast.
