It’s getting hot in here, so hot, so take off all your clothes
I am, getting so hot, I wanna take my clothes off
– Nelly
According to technology reporter Robert Scoble, Apple is working on a new wearable device that will be revealed this year and available in 2018.
Now that the computer giant has something for the ears – the wireless “AirPods” – the company is making augmented reality glasses for the eyes. Scoble wrote that Apple is getting together with the optical company Zeiss to create a “light pair of augmented reality/mixed reality glasses that may be announced this year.”
Now, when this happens, I have the perfect name for the new futuristic glasses from Apple. I mean, it is the absolutely perfect name.
In fact, the name I came up with is so perfect there’s no need for me to even tell you what it is because you can guess it yourself. Go ahead. Give it a try.
See. I told you so.
But there’s a lot more going on this week than a new pair of futuristic high-tech glasses.
For instance …
I wrote once that Chairman of the Guilford County Board of Commissioners Jeff Phillips was “the most articulate commissioner” because he always thinks carefully about what he says and expresses himself very well.
So I was a little surprised the other day when I got an email from him. I’d sent him an email asking him where the commissioners’ retreat was going to be this year and he sent me this …
“Still leaning toward GTCCS Cameron Campus in Colfax with Bryan Park ad a back up. Should know fir sure this week.”
A few minutes later I got another email from the chairman.
“Wow, spellchecker totally missed several words in that last email,” Phillips wrote. “Need an editor, please.”
I wrote back: “That’s fir sure!”
(Note: Not that there’s anything wrong with hillbilly English – some of the nicest people I know use it. If you are a hillbilly or someone who talks like one, please don’t send me a note.)
The good thing these days about changing years – such as the recent changeover from 2016 to 2017 – is that we no longer have to worry about writing the previous year on our checks by accident for a whole two or three months into the new year. We never got any better at knowing what year we were in – we just stopped writing checks.
Here’s something I just learned this week that will make everyone cringe – Republicans, Democrats, Libertarians and Green Party people alike. It will make even the staunchest Trump supporters wish they could have their votes back. I came across this incredible fact and I just started shaking my head.
About 10 years ago, the federal government passed the Warning, Alert and Response Network (WARN) Act, which is why on your phone you sometimes get emergency alerts, such as Amber Alerts and tornado warnings. You know, the ones that make the loud terrifying sound that almost gives you a heart attack.
This act allows certain law enforcement and emergency agencies to send out critical messages to an affected area.
Now, under the legislation, three types of alerts are allowed …
- Alerts involving imminent threats to safety or life
- Amber Alerts
And …
Wait for it …
- Messages from the president.
Now, usually you can block these through a setting on your smartphone; however, the presidential powers allow the president to override all blocks.
In other words: Every smartphone in the country has an unblockable channel that the president of the United States has access to 24/7.
Though it’s a rather obscure law and it has never been used by a president before, Trump has the power to send every phone in the country whatever he wants whether people follow him on Twitter or not.
Ugghh. Can you imagine what life will be like when Trump learns that not only can he tweet to his followers but that he has complete and total access to every smartphone in America?
So, after Jan. 20, look forward to the president constantly blowing up your phone every day with “emergency” messages about Rosie O’Donnell’s latest comments or about a terrible, overrated and overcooked steak he had at Spago.
The only consolation is that these types of messages are limited to 90 characters instead of Twitter’s 140.
There was a big kerfuffle this week because the Akron Market Citgo station in Winston-Salem was accidentally selling gasoline as kerosene. There was some giant commotion about it but, look, kerosene, gasoline – what’s the difference? It’s really basically the same, right? A liquid that burns. So I’m not sure what the big deal is there.
Going to big time rivalry basketball games is apparently a little different than it was when I was at Duke. Check out this television shot from the exciting barnburner at the moment Kansas defeated rival Kansas State on a last second shot.
Speaking of sporting events, the NHL held its outdoor Winter Classic hockey game up north on Jan. 2 and what was the musical act? Nelly sang his hit, “Hot in here.” If it’s so hot in here, why are you wearing a ski cap and a parka.
And check out the extra r in “here” in the graphics. Come on, people, there are three words on that graphic to spell check. I haven’t seen a more glaring mistake since the cover of Pet Sematary. (If you don’t know, Cemetery starts with a C.)
I went to see Passengers the other night (loved it by the way!) and right in line in front of me was an older lady. She asked for a ticket and the guy in the ticket booth looked at her and said, “Uh, we have a discounted senior ticket …?”
Which I thought was highly rude even though he was just trying to help her out. She hadn’t asked for a senior ticket and he was essentially saying she looked old.
She hesitated, kind of taken aback, because who wants to be called out on something like that. Then she admitted that she was a senior and he gave her the lower price on the ticket.
Lady, if you are reading this, it’s not about whether or not you save a few bucks on a movie ticket – it’s about whether or not you live forever. Everyone tells you you have to grow old but you absolutely do not have to. It is really a quite simple thing to avoid. All you have to do is three things and you will never grow old and, therefore, never die:
- Always turn down senior discounts. Never mention them at all and never take them when asked.
- Throw away everything that comes in the mail from AARP without opening it.
- Never, under any circumstances, play shuffleboard no matter how much people try to get you to.
Do those three things and you will never grow old – and never die.
That kid thought he was doing her a favor but I knew he was signing her death warrant.
Oh, by the way, the great name I thought of for the glasses from Apple, if somehow you haven’t guessed, it’s …
iGlasses.
Of course.
